Living With Low Libido; A Guide to Understanding and Compromise Part 2
In the second part of this blog, were going to talk more about the physical ailments that could get in our way, as well as the long list of other factors that could disrupt your regularly scheduled Sexy Time.
Not Too Much Too Fast
Now, progress is great and all, but one A+ doesn't mean your GPA is fixed, right? It helps but it's not a cure all. One awesome night of awesome sex doesn't fix the issue, but it's an amazing step and a big milestone! This kind of "finally" moment should be celebrated, but not in a way that screams "finally, I'm so glad you could get around to doing that for me." Lots of thanking and talking should be involved when you make headway, similar to a recuperation period after a BDSM scene! You have to come down from the high of having sex and get back to the day to day, but for yourself or your partner experiencing low libido, being thanked for all the effort that just went into that intimate moment feels very comforting. Being thanked for anything feels good, but when your body is rejecting this feeling you normally feel in A, B, or C situation, it feels even better to be acknowledged for all the effort you just put in.
Other ways to thank your partner for their efforts would be, depending on the time of day, making a meal for them or setting up a comforting activity to do right after sex. This can make them feel even more comfortable, since they're switching from an activity that gives them some discomfort in initiating, to an activity like a movie or a game that is relaxing and fun. Everyone is different, but gifting them a relaxing activity (whether you set it up, plan it, schedule it for the future, etc.,) is a great way to show them that you appreciate their gesture.
Physical and Psychological Ailments
Life gets in the way all the time, and you or your partner could just be in a rut at the moment that seems 10 feet deep, but if many of these examples and situations seem to not fit quite right, there could always be physical or psychological issues under the surface that aren't as easily dealt with alone. Luckily there are a multitude of answers to various combinations of problems, and you're never alone. Sexual communities online reach out all the time in order to make certain ailments and disorders known, as well as reach out to those experiencing them, but have no one to talk to about them.
Medical conditions like diabetes, chronic pain, anxiety, HSDD, and certain medications can all make your libido dip into a high dive and go straight down. Smoking, drugs of any kind and drinking are also at high risk of reacting badly with your hormones and can decrease your sex drive as well. Smokers of many years have reported their sex drive returning if they are successful in quitting, but that isn't a solid statistic. HSDD, or hypo-active sexual desire disorder is a disorder that a doctor must diagnose you with, but refers to a persons chronic or ongoing lack of interest in sex, to the point that it causes them personal distress or problems in their relationships. In later years they've split this into a male and female generalized disorder, but we're all human, so we can all experience a form of HSDD no matter our gender.
Prostate and Other Things
This particular part of the blog is about lowered libido in males and reasons this could be. This section is more geared towards older men, but young men can experience some of these problems as well. Prostate enlargement, or BPH happens when your prostate becomes too enlarged, but when cancer isn’t the cause. A man’s prostate continues growing throughout most of his adult life. This is why many older men are affected by the condition. Because your prostate is growing too rapidly, the medications to regulate this can actually cause Erectile Dysfunction (ED).
ED can be treated medically, psychologically, or with adult toys such as pumps, but ultimately can take a large toll on the person experiencing it. The main symptom is the inability to get or maintain an erection naturally. Sexual arousal is a complex process that involves the brain, hormones, emotions, nerves, muscles and blood vessels. Erectile dysfunction can result from a problem with any of these. Likewise, stress and mental health concerns can cause or worsen the problem. If you think you might be suffering from either of these conditions, talk to your doctor about your specific problems and hurdles you're facing to find the right treatment plan for you. If you have one, make sure to involve your partner in educating each other about your condition and how to go about treating it and working with it vs against it.
The most important tip I could give during this whole blog, is to never shame yourself or your partner when they come to you saying their sex drive has dipped or they're not feeling particularly sexy. Shame only distances you from them and damages any positivity they might need in the future to ask all the right questions and get the right answers. The best first step is to understand even if you can't wrap your head completely around it, and to make the person approaching you feel loved and understood, because this issue is solvable! It isn't hopeless and making that person feel like they have hope is the most supportive and helpful impact you can make. The rest is time, patience, and understanding. Never give up hope and always remember, you're not alone!
- GiGi V