This blog is all about living with low libido. Talking about you or your partner's lack of enthusiasm towards sex and why, can feel similar to cupping up the ocean and trying to move it somewhere else entirely. You feel overwhelmed by the ocean, but every cup feel condescending and hurts your confidence towards the situation. But there are so many things you can do to bridge that gap and communicate to each other in an uplifting way that then heals any wounds and gets the energy flowing again! This topic has to do with mental diseases like depression and anxiety, as well as physical disorders like hypo-active sexual desire disorder (HSDD), prostate issues and other disorders that disallow the body to react as it should. Understanding someone's needs to get back into the groove can be taxing, but it doesn't have to be if you're patient and ready to give this person, or yourself, the time, energy and attention they need. Keeping an open mind is key in your journey towards budding sexuality, so let's get started!
Being Sensual
As we go on, I'll mention that "some people this, some people that", but as redundant as it sounds, truly each individual is different and everyone could experience a multitude of these situations, in any combination. The human race requires sensuality and appreciation of the senses, and sometimes our bodies need more than others. Low dopamine levels can be a very common cause for low or lowered libido. Life is stressful, and not taking enough time to enjoy the little things and stimulate your brain can result in a lowered interest to being intimate. In extreme cases like depression, lowered libido can be a side effect of a depressive episode, or just the depression itself. Plenty of people experience depression that lingers on a daily basis, and can feel like their mind is clouded for days, sometimes longer. Losing sight of what makes you happy can extend this feeling for an uncomfortable amount of time, so some good things to treat them to is a relaxing bath or a good meal, something hearty for the soul. Slowly trying to uplift the person experiencing this can make them feel loved and wanted, in turn maybe making them feel more comfortable with returning to their sexual instincts. Treating and pampering isn't a cure all, but it does show that you care and see them struggling, and you're reaching out to offer a comforting hand!
Asking for Help
If you are the one experiencing low libido, seeking a therapist is never a bad idea. Talking to someone who isn't your partner about issues in life is very healthy in repairing any traumas you might have experienced that hold you back from being intimate or feeling comfortable with intimacy. Lot's of people choose their partners as their mini therapists, and often times that can lead to an off balanced relationship due to something someone said or how they feel, even if it's a very normal feeling! It's always more helpful and healthy to go for a third party opinion instead of trying to figure it out with your partner. That isn't to say, however, that talking to your partner about what might be bothering you and keeping you from blossoming sexually again is a bad thing! It's actually one of the best first steps you can take to opening up about what might be clouding your libido. Another great tip is to remember that your partner loves you and doesn't think you're "broken" or that something is wrong with you. A dip in libido, long or short term, is normal and should never be shamed. Instead it should be understood and approached with love and care, and with patience, you might see results quicker than you think.
Consider The Following
In my situation, my partner is the one suffering from a low libido. In his opinion, he has always had a low libido, but in recent months it's been drastically low, from once a week to practically not at all. His case could relate to anothers, so I'll share some characteristics about his shift in libido that might help another relate and find answers! My partner's most significant dip in libido started when a family member of his was diagnosed with cancer. This was hard on the both of us, but I could find comfort and peace in having intimate moments with him. For him however, the over bearing responsibility and stress of his relative's cancer weighed too heavily for him to concentrate or even want to be intimate. This was absolutely understandable, so I did everything I could to just make every day life a little easier. That was my first step! Not worrying about sex or trying to be intimate, but allowing his pain to be felt while I made sure everything else was a little less stressful. We would go out to movies to distract from taking care of the family member, and every once in a while treat each other to a whole pint of locally churned ice cream. These little things, in time, truly made a difference in him and we were able to have great intercourse for the first time in a while!
Since then, my trick has been to send sweet nothings throughout the day if I would like to try to have sex that night, and maybe a cute picture or two. This is very familiar flirting for us, and a great tip to try. It's very much how we'd flirt when we first started dating! This trick has gotten through a few good times, and has great reactions since you start with cooing, small talk and sweet words, and then throwing in a hint of "and I want you!" Every once in a while, he'll hit me with a "not tonight, I'm just not feeling right, is that okay?" which is one of the best ways to let your partner know you're not feeling emotionally prepared for an intimate night, but you're not making them feel like it's their fault. Having a conversation about setting up a Word Bank for certain situations is an amazing tip to try. This allows either party to be able to say something from the Word Bank that both people understand, and then nothing is lost in translation and no feelings are hurt!
Continue Reading about this topic in Part 2!