Sexting is something more people indulge in than you'd think - a study in 2014 even showed that nearly 50% of adults had sent a sexual text, photo, or video from their phone! While that percentage may surprise some, others may wonder why the amount of people not participating in some online fun with their partner is so low. Sexting is a fun way to add risque flirting to your life!
How long have people been sending their partner spicy messages?
Sending the person you love (or lust after) some spicy thoughts has a long history, dating back to even before the revolution in the United States. Some history buff fans may be familiar with Alexander Hamilton's love letters to a certain man and how it's rumored - and borderline confirmed - that some of the letters had to be redacted due to how spicy they were.
All this to say, sexting may be the new term for it, but sending a person you love a raunchy message has been around far before the invention of the cell phone!
How do I start participating in sexting?
If you want to get your partner all hot and bothered but need help figuring out where to start, never fear! Below are some easy ways for the shy to start sexting. Once you send a few out and get past the awkward stage of stepping outside of your comfort zone, sexting can become a fun activity for the two of you that not only helps keep the playfulness in your relationship alive but can also boost your confidence in making you feel desired.
1) Begin with a simple but sweet greeting: "I miss you" or "I've been thinking about you" should get you off to the right start.
2) Start slowly upping your flirting game by referencing the last time you got frisky: "I was thinking about last night/last Tuesday/last month when we (insert whatever word for sex you like best). It felt great to be so close to you." If you wouldn't skip the foreplay while with someone in person, you shouldn't skip it during sexting. Foreplay and anticipation in any sexual play, aka the buildup, helps make the grand finale special.
3) Turn it up a notch and boost their ego at the same time by telling them what exactly you like best about their body and technique: "I love thinking about your (body part), and it turns me on when you (action) my (body part).
Where do I go from there?
Assuming your partner has their phone with them, you'll receive some very enthusiastic texts in return. Now is the time to decide if you want to keep turning up the heat via text or if you want to leave some mystery and promise a hookup soon.
If you've reached your comfort limit, end on an "I can't wait to see you when I/you get home!" note and be prepared for an ambush as soon as you see them next. If you want to spice it up, keep going with the following few ideas.
4) Suggest a particular course of action for your upcoming intimacy together: "Tonight, I want you to (action) me in the (location) while I'm (fill in the blank).
5) Make some sexy promises of your own: "I can't wait to (action)…."
6) If a picture is worth a thousand words, let your final text be chatty by sending them a sexy shot. You don't have to be naked or identifiable, and a cleavage picture or a photo of your (clothed) legs with the caption "Wish you were here" can have some solid satisfactory results.
Ultimately what makes a sext, well, sexy, isn't how graphic or descriptive you are; you're letting your partner know they are wanted and desired. Who doesn't like that?
Sexting doesn't have to lead to anything in-person either - sexting is also an excellent activity for long-distance couples! Even if you've yet to meet up in real life, a few rounds of sexting will give you an idea of your lover's seduction learning style. In these cases, you can cater to your partner and their exact desires by crafting messages that make them feel sexy, desired, curious, excited, relaxed, challenged, loved, nervous, catered to, enticed, and more. Take advantage of various options, including photos, videos, voice notes, text, GIFs, and live chats.
One thing that people find the most difficult is being able to communicate with their partner during sexting. It's easy to forget that your partner isn't a mind reader, especially if you have been together for a long time! You'll likely have to communicate your desires and maybe even steer the direction of the sexting.
Want your partner to engage in a little fantasy play or to look to have them say dirty things to you? Communicate what you want and ask for all the naughty things you know you deserve! Most likely, your partner will be down to comply with giving you exactly what you're looking to engage in. If you and your partner have indulged in fantasies in the bedroom previously, you can bring up one of your favorite steamy memories to help add more to the conversation.
Typing is such a distraction. Is there another way to sext?
Absolutely! Voice notes don't exist only to make life easier when you want to get your point across to someone quickly; they also come in handy when you want to use your voice to entice your partner. Voice notes allow you to tap into your lover's audial desires. For auditory learners, a lover's voice can be overwhelmingly hot, even if they're not talking dirty.
Try lowering your voice and speaking gently while telling your partner what you want to do or want them to do to you. Build anticipation by sending one sentence at a time over a day or week if you like teasing your partner or want to increase the tension.
Sexting doesn't have to be nerve-wracking, and you don't need to jump right into it if you're uncomfortable. Bring up the idea with your partner, express your apprehension or concerns with them first, and talk with each other about whether the two of you would enjoy something like that. If you decide to go through with it, don't overthink your messages! Remember that sexting is meant to be a confidence boost for both parties and a way for either of you to feel sexy and desirable. Go with what feels natural to you, and if things get too overwhelming, don't be afraid to tell your partner that you'd like to continue another time.
