The benefits of sex toys for your relationship are endless, yet many hesitate to bring toys into the bedroom or communicate their desire to their partners. With sex toys getting more popularity from adult videos, TV shows like How to Build a Sex Room, and movies like Good Luck to You, Leo Grande, more and more couples are realizing the benefits of introducing sex toys to their partner, which is always fantastic, and can lead to quite a few happy couples! However, there are still some on the fence. If you're one of those people who are hesitant about bringing up your interest in toys to your partner because you're not sure how they would react to the suggestion, take a note from this blog and use it during your conversation; you might sway their decision and lead to even more pleasure for the both of you!
Bringing Up the Subject
As one of my new favorite sexual health advocators, Elle Chase, and her friend, JoEllen Notte, recently said, not talking about your sexual interests can be like leaving a plastic film over your furniture to "keep it nice." Does it protect it? Sure, but will anyone ever enjoy sitting on it? Probably not! Putting "film" over your interests may keep you from ruining the mood by bringing it up to your partner, but is the moment you're preserving enjoyable? Is not wanting to rock the boat better than potentially improving your sex life and letting you and your partner reach never levels of pleasure?
Some men believe that using a sex toy means he isn't a good enough lover and may fear you'll replace him or become overly reliant on it to orgasm. The good news is, that won't happen; your genitalia doesn't vibrate at speeds of 120 RPM or have an attached appendage for clitoral stimulation, does it? So there's nothing to fear when feeling like the toy will replace you. Think of toys as a pleasure enhancement, not a pleasure replacement! Like adding seasoning to an already-fabulous dish, the sex toy takes sex to another level but does not ruin the baseline experience.
How do you bring it up so that it sounds like something your partner would be on board with?
Let your partner know you are interested in keeping your sex life hot and spicy. Make sure they know that you love making love with them, but hey—wouldn't it be great to kick things up a notch?
Remind them that couples who explore novel ways of being intimate, including trying out one or more sex toys, tend to fare better in maintaining passion and desire (in addition to relationship satisfaction) over the long haul.
You will likely find that your partner is totally in agreement with your desire to experiment with a sex toy. After all, a good partner is invested in your pleasure.If they've viewed porn, they're likely turned on by porn that features people masturbating with a sex toy.
You might ask them if that is something they'd like to see you do, sort of a "live show" in the privacy of your bedroom. When they say an enthusiastic "yes," proceed to the next step.
Involve your partner in shopping for a toy - or better yet, take them with you.
Bring your partner into the selection decision to make this a truly erotic experience. If you're more confident and comfortable shopping online, explore some reputable adult toy websites together. Take your time and make this part of foreplay (because shopping for sex toys often ends with a hot session between the sheets!).
Look through the various models—clitoral, vaginal, anal stimulation—and talk about what you might like to experience. Ask if they have a preference, what they'd like to use on you. Have a look at functionality. Read the reviews.
All the while, keep checking in on their comfort level with this new idea. Remind them that you aren't looking for a replacement but something fun and erotic to keep things fresh and sexy for your private moments.
If you decide to go to a sex shop together, have no fear; these are no longer shady, back-alley places of shame. Today's adult stores are clean, well-lit boutiques with sex toys displayed like jewelry. You'll have onsite experts at your disposal who can help you navigate this first-time experience and answer any questions you might have.
Ask them what sort of impact on your relationship you might expect should you incorporate a sex toy into your lovemaking. Their answer may help you feel more at ease.
Using a sex toy can strengthen the relationship and sexual satisfaction of anyone open to and respectful of them and their partner's sexual enjoyment.
There must be a sense of openness and non-judgment as you converse about sex toys. If you sense your partner is resistant to experimenting, talk about where this resistance might be coming from. If they're worried that you might prefer the toy over them, work at dispelling that myth. You can share with them the statistic that only 25% of vulva owners reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. Yet, almost 100% of vulva owners will reach orgasm if a sex toy is included in your lovemaking play.
If your partner is still hesitant, give them a "trial offer." Once they see how hot things can be with the inclusion of a vibrator and how your arousal will spill over and affect their arousal, they will wonder why they even questioned the impact of the sex toy on your relationship in the first place.
Before you know it, they'll automatically reach for that sex toy whenever they want to get down and dirty with you!
