Sex Advice You Wish You Could Tell Your Younger Self
1. Voice your Compliments, Concerns, and Comments
One of the most important pieces of advice I would tell my younger self would be to speak up! Too many times when you're younger, you're more worried about pleasing your partner, which there's nothing wrong with, however it puts your needs on hold. Don't be afraid to say "Hey, I don't like this position" or to tell your partner to slow down or go faster. The problem with keeping things to yourself is that you are getting the maximum enjoyment that you can get out of the session and that's not fair to yourself. Don't forget to tell your partner when you like something because of course, how else would they learn what you like? And above all, if something makes you uncomfortable or concerned, talk about it!
2. Who Cares What Other's Think
Younger me cared too much about what other's thought about me. Keeping your shirt on during intercourse, only playing when the lights are off, worrying about what your facial expression looks like. I'm internally eye rolling at myself. 9 times out of 10, the person you're sleeping with wants to sleep with you and finds you physically attracted or they probably wouldn't be there! You're missing out on living in the moment and that's pretty important.
3. Talk about Cleanliness and Contraception
You body is a temple and should be treated as such. So when you're picking your sexual partner, its important to know who you're getting involved with and how they treat their own temple. The first thing you want to talk about before becoming sexually involved with another person is sexual history. I'm talking about if protection was used with all of their past partners, and if protection wasn't used, were they tested for any STD's? However, if you're going to ask for your partners sexual history, be prepared and willing to offer up yours in return. Be willing to talk about cleanliness as well. You have the right to ask these questions when inviting someone into your temple! They must treat your temple with as much respect as you do!
4. Don't Expect An Orgasm Every time
Although having an orgasm every time you have a sexual encounter would be amazing, its very possible and completely normal to not have an orgasm every time. Sometimes just being in the moment and enjoying the pleasure between you and your partner is just enough! Its important to keep in mind that if you or your partner do not have an orgasm every single time, it is not because one of you lack skill. A person can have a number of reasons for not having an orgasm! This includes and is definitely not limited to: stress, anxiety, feeling rushed into orgasm or feeling pressured to have an orgasm, and simply just not having one.
5. Don't Fake Your Orgasms
Don't do it! I know that you don't want to hurt your partners feelings or make them feel like they came up short, but in the long run you are helping them! By being honest you are leaving the door for communication open. You're also doing yourself a disservice by not being honest about what feels good to you or gets you to your climax.
6. You're Not Broken If You Don't Have an Orgasm from Internal Stimulation
75% of all women cannot orgasm from internal stimulation. That doesn't mean that you are broken or that something is wrong with you. It means that you need other types of stimulation to reach an orgasm. Try finding a toy to add clitoral stimulation during intercourse or even reach your hand down and stimulate yourself!
7. Masturbate, Masturbate, and Masturbate Some More
I would make sure to tell younger me that masturbation is natural and a part of every person's life. This is how you explore your body and find out what you enjoy sexually. Masturbation has become more "normal" to today's society however, a lot of cultures still see it as taboo. Masturbation is a great way to release tension and become familiar with your body and what makes it tick. Masturbation can help with insomnia, depression and fatigue. And has even been show to helping boost metabolism!
8. Don't Be Afraid to Try Different Positions
Younger me was always worried about looking perfect and flawless during intercourse. This meant I had to lay back with my hair situated perfectly on the pillow, or make sure I looked sexy every time I would get on top with my partner... But trying a new position meant getting a little awkward with my partner. It would be a struggle to figure out where to put your hands, feet, and legs and sooner or later we would find our limbs tangled together in an uncomfortable knot. Older and wiser me knows that the best way to find mind blowing sex positions are to get into these awkward entanglements with my partner, laugh it off, and to keep going. It doesn't matter what you look like while trying to get into these positions, it should be fun and adventurous for you and your significant other.
9. Blow Jobs are Not "One Size Fits All"
Hey, past me! I know you think blow jobs are as easy as 1, 2, 3... suck. But they actually are not. The same way that not every girl can achieve an orgasm in the same way, men like to be pleasured in different ways as well! The best advice to take would be to ask your partner what they like and to go from there. What you know and are used to might be the opposite of what your partner wants... and that kind of defeats the purpose! And giving oral isn't strictly mouth to penis! You can involve your hand, a stroker, flavored lubricant, arousal gels, the list goes on and on.
10. Anal Isn't InstantAnal. Penetration. Is. Not. Instant. No matter what anyone tells you, anal penetration takes time, practice, and lots of lube! Anal is not supposed to be painful and I promise you that if it is, you're doing something wrong. Older me now knows that silicone lubricant is your best friend when it comes to anal and all the accessories like small anal plugs and beads are only there to help you not scare you.
Even if you could go back in time and use the information that you know now, I still believe that you should take every experience, grow from them, and don't look back!
- Melissa S