Porn vs. Reality

Posted by Maddie V on

Porn is an awesome way to discover kinks and activities you've wanted to try or that peak your interest, but squirting and scissoring are myths Porn Stars have been using for ages. This in no way means that porn is bad, just that it sets high and weird expectations for us when we eventually get into the bedroom. There are a lot of signature moves Stars use that are far from realistic for any couple. Today we're going to point out and debunk some myths about porn, and also really talk about the benefits of watching porn alone or together, even if just to get ideas.

Sex is Not a Marathon, Unless That's The Plan

 Some common myths about sex, thanks to porn, are things like the insane notion that sex lasts a whole hour and then some. While it can for certain couples, the average session lasts anywhere between 33 seconds to 45 minutes - what a gap! That means not lasting the whole night isn't something to be ashamed of! Something else porn shames us for is genital size and shape. Everyone and anyone likes to believe men and women are obsessed with making sure their partner's genitals meet their standards, or that there's already a preordained idea of their partners genitals, but truthfully, only 11% of women truly think and care about the size of their partners genitals. Not to mention, 54% of men are uncut, and how many porn stars do you see rocking an uncut penis? None, but more than half of the male population are uncircumcised! The average size of a male's erect penis is between 5 and 6 inches, which if you click on your favorite porn video, doesn't seem nearly as big as some of the porn starts out there! That's because these actors were chosen to work in this field because their "skills"(body parts) exceed reality - which is exactly what producers look for, someone that exceeds reality.

Other moves commonly used in porn that aren't realistic are things like squirting, fisting, scissoring, reverse cowgirl with her legs spread open, rigorous fingering, and boob jobs. All of these things, yes, could possibly be incorporated and enjoyed, but realistically they're all only really good for movie shots. Scissoring only happens among 11% of lesbian relationships, and only a whopping 6% of women say they can and have squirted. Positions like the reverse cow girl, the pile driver, or even just hoisting your partner up while facing each other are all really hard positions to try to copy. They just take too much arm and upper body strength, not to mention balance. Also, absolutely no woman likes being fingered by a jackhammer. That is probably one of the more fantastical scenes you'll see get set up in porn. They stop whatever other un-achievable position they're doing so he can reach down and punch her clit a few hundred times, and then like cinema-magic, she either squirts or has an orgasm. Now lets get this one squared away once and for all - boob jobs feel good for hardly anyone. Once again, they're just another really good movie shot. Of course, if its something you'd like to try there's really nothing that will hurt either party to try it out. There's a bunch of different strokes for different folks.

Now, fisting is actually a realistic kink people practice, and its usually associated with BDSM. Fisting can, though, be kind of dangerous if not prepared and received correctly. Fisting should be approached by someone, usually the one being fisted, naturally and carefully, and with full consent, anally or vaginally. Porn likes to move into fisting very fast and without the necessary safety precautions. Fisting should be a one finger at a time progression, not the whole thing at once. If the person on the receiving end is unsure or uncomfortable, their body can react and clench down instead of being relaxed and allowing pleasure items to pass comfortably, which could result in their partner not being able to retrieve the item or hand from their body. This is also why it is very important to use a lot of lubricant and protective gloves to avoid contact with bodily fluids, as well as allow a comfortable glide and prevent micro-tears. And of course, playing in any branch of BDSM requires lots of communication, so that includes fisting or any other sub-activity within BDSM!

 Threesomes are so much fun - with the right combination of people! A huge misconception put out by porn is that every one who walks in on you having sex will want to join, and every couple is cool with a threesome. In a survey, it was said that only 14% of couples would consider a threesome and about 21% have at least fantasized about it. And among those numbers, women were the least interested in having a threesome, either with another female or two males. Threesomes, for a lot of couples, take a lot of talking, trust, and coordination to have a fun time where everyone walks out happy, satisfied, and comfortable. It's very common for couples to pressure one another into a group session, which leads to discomfort and distrust afterwards. Mutually watching porn together can be a great way to bring up the topic without it being too intimidating or blunt of a topic! If you've spoken to your partner before about adding another person into the bed room, and they've kind of laughed it off or became uncomfortable and avoided talking about it, they're probably not super gung-ho about the idea. Threesomes aren't for every couple, and you don't want to force your lover into a situation where they don't feel like they can trust you, especially during any sexual activity.

Getting Some Ideas

Bar none, porn is exceptional at giving ideas to couples or playmates looking to try somethings they've always fantasized about. As long as you walk in knowing what's achievable and whats not for you and your partner(s), the sky is the limit when it comes to scenarios, toys, roles, and positions to choose from. For shyer partners, watching porn together can be a really fun way of having intimate time together, as well as being able to point out certain things you'd like done, instead of out right saying what you'd like done. Watching porn together can also lead into masturbating together, which is a really fun activity! You can introduce this in a number of ways, including asking your partner if they would enjoy watching you enjoy yourself while watching porn together. This then allows them to lead into joining or even helping you. No one knows your body better than you do, so allowing your partner to join in on such an intimate act as masturbating can be really eye opening when it comes to their time to preform.

Did you know that not everyone orgasms every time? 75% of women can't achieve an orgasm with penetration alone, and that doesn't just apply to women. 4% of men suffer from a condition called delayed ejaculation and sometimes need extra help from a hand or toy. It is completely normal to need some extra help from a friendly toy or two, no matter who you are or what you need. Toys are awesome and can really extend your play time, and having a little variety never hurt anyone! Things like stroking sleeves and really unique cock rings like the Tryst are super cool toys because they allow a lot of variety with just one toy. Masturbator sleeves can be used by a partner or the user to continue stimulation if one partner gets tired, and the Tryst has 100 tricks in it by itself. It can be used as a ring in a few different positions for either testicle, shaft, prostate or clitoral stimulation all at once, or it can be used for solo play for both male and female body parts! Toys can allow your play time to extend or finish up nicely if either partner gets tired or worried they won't be able to ejaculate for their partner. This can then allow one partner to take control of the others orgasm while their partner directs them to all their sweet spots. Don't be shy to pick up some toys to incorporate into your playtime!

 More! More! More! Myths!

One of the biggest myths I don't find mentioned often is that awesome, porn-quality sex doesn't come naturally. You will most likely not be pulling super erotic or athletic moves on the first date, let alone the first sleep over. Awesome sex comes with natural attraction, communication, trust and time. It takes time to learn what someone really likes in bed, because sex is not all about you. In that moment, its about both (or all) of you enjoying each other and making sure your partner(s) are enjoying themselves as well. It's about watching your partner(s) reactions and movements and asking them what they'd like next, if this is comfortable, if this area feels nice. Mutual masturbation can be a great first time or foreplay suggestion. That way you both get to know a little more about each others sweets spots. Of course, this doesn't exclude those amazing quickies or a consensual one night with someone you got a sexy vibe about. Amazing sex is in the eye of the beholder, but porn-quality sex is hard to achieve without a little communication and skill.

 Absolutely no one who walks in on you masturbating or having sex is going to want to join. Fact is, they're probably as embarrassed as you should be and will want to leave the situation ASAP so they didn't seem like a disturbance. However, if you happen to win the Sex Lottery and someone walks in on you and asks to join, congrats for you! You're one lucky winner! But reality is it probably will never happen. That, and your boss/teacher/hot doctor are 99.999% of the time not looking to score with you today, so things like office sex are out too. Public sex, while a popular and widely practiced kink, can actually get you in some legal trouble. In porn, you'll commonly see some couples in the park for a scene, but they're probably filming in a private park where there's surely no risk of passer byes getting traumatized. Depending on the state you live in, getting caught for having sex in public can be as severe as a misdemeanor, so when trying this kink out, use lots of caution or simply find a place that you can call "public", but really you're safe from bringing others into your playtime without their consent.

Finishing Up

I'm not going to lie to myself or anyone else, porn is awesome and there's literally something for everyone's kinks out there. It can bring couples closer together and inspire ideas that you wouldn't have thought of without stumbling across a particular video. Porn should just never be taken literally and when trying out different activities and kinks, you should be aware of the risks involved, if any. Know your personal limitations and, with any new sexy activity, always go slow, don't be afraid to use A LOT of lube and only do what you're really comfortable with. Everybody's body is beautiful and unique in their own way, and porn stars are sought after for their "ideal look," when in reality "ideal" is just someone else vision for the film, not a general consensus as to what everyone wants. Remember that you're unique, and so are your kinks!

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