Let's Talk Dirty About Dirty Talk
You're in the middle of a very heated and passionate sex session with your partner when they hit you with "Talk dirty to me"... And suddenly, you freeze.
Have you ever been there before? Yeah, me too. You have no idea what to say or you're afraid everything you say will sound stupid or ruin the mood? Get out of your head! It's true that some people are able to let the dirty talk flow effortlessly, while others are left feeling awkward or embarrassed searching for the right words.
So now that we've admitted to one another that talking dirty can be intimidating to many, allow me to tell you the first thing about it: There is no wrong way to talk dirty. Just as any other skill you might have in the bedroom, if you feel comfortable with your partner and you practice it, you can master the art of dirty talk!
A Simple Trick
The easiest way to start talking dirty is to narrate what is being done in a past, present, or future tense.
If you're sexting or talking dirty before the actual act, the easiest way to add a little naughty to the conversation is to describe what you're going to do to your partner or what you want them to do to you in detail. Don't overthink the things that you are saying. If a word is fun, sexy, or naughty to you... use it!
When in the moment adding some sexy talk to the mix is not as difficult as you may think it is. You can start off slowly by throwing out a few one word demands as an example: Harder, slowly, deeper, and faster.
Let your partner know you're enjoying what they're doing by saying things like: "Just like that" "Keep going" or "I like that". As long as you're enjoying the moment and you're into it, simple phrases like these can be so much more sexy than you think!
Another fun thing to try is to narrate a past experience that you and your partner had. Or even a solo experience that you had while thinking of your partner! An example of this could be: "I want you to think about the time I dressed up as a sexy school girl for you..."
Even sprinkling a cuss word like the F word in there from time to time can be considered a form of dirty talk!
That brings me to my next subject when dirty talking...
How Dare You Call Me That!
In my opinion the only acceptable time to call a woman (or man) a slut, is in the bedroom with consent! You're a hardcore feminist? Don't like swear words? That's great! It doesn't make you any less of a feminist or a good person to like being called a whore, slut, daddy or a sissy in bed! If something turns you on, and both you and your partner are comfortable with it, embrace it! You do not have to be P.C. in the bedroom. I don't care what you or your partner like being called during sex as long as it feels good to you.
That being said, its important to discuss boundaries with your partner as you both might have words that are off limits. Which is perfectly acceptable as well! If a certain phrase or word makes you uncomfortable make sure you speak up and tell your partner. That way the next time they know not to use it.
Encouraging Your Partner To Talk Dirty
When trying to encourage your partner to be more vocal in bed, help them by being vocal as well. Ask them questions that you want them to answer such as, "Do you like that" or "what do you want me to do to you next". If you're not getting any type of feedback from your partner in the moment, try talking to them outside of the bedroom. It could be that they don't know what to say or that they're embarrassed about saying the wrong thing. Its important to encourage them by telling them to be themselves. If your partner tells you they are uncomfortable with dirty talk, make sure you respect that and don't force them to do something they don't want to do.
Sexy Talk = Healthy
Absolutely it is. Many people feel self conscious or nervous when their partner is completely silent during intercourse. Yes silence can be sexy too, but for many its intimidating. Sometimes it can make a person feel like they're not performing well enough. Dirty talk, moaning, gasping and getting loud can be very encouraging for your partner as its obvious signs of enjoyment! Being vocal can be very affirming for your partner but it can also make the moment more intense and make you more aroused. Dirty talk can help build a strong bond between you and your partner and can boost the confidence in your sex lives through the roof!
Whether you beg or demand, want sweet terms of endearment or raunchy nicknames, dirty talk can bring the extra spice that you've been looking for straight into your bedroom!
- Melissa S