'How to Build a Sex Room' Unabashedly Discusses Communication and Polyamory - and We Love Them For It

'How to Build a Sex Room' Unabashedly Discusses Communication and Polyamory - and We Love Them For It


 What is How to Build a Sex Room?

Netflix's show How to Build a Sex Room discusses more than just styling tips and interior design - she helps couples break out of their shells and talk about sexuality and kinks without any shame. When I went into the show, I honestly expected it to be all Fifty Shades-inspired red rooms that don't consider the couples' wants and desires, and I came out of my binge-watching session genuinely impressed. Not only does she take the pair on her show into educational settings and teaches them about different kinks and BDSM furniture, but she helps them solve any issues they may be experiencing during intimacy. For example, height differences that make sex difficult, having a child and not having the space to themselves anymore, or low sex drives.



Who is Melanie Rose?

How to Build a Sex Room's host, Melanie Rose, had initially been your typical interior designer until a decade ago, when one of her clients asked her to design a custom sex room, to fit their needs. Ever since she's been helping couples to build their perfect sex room suited to their specific needs and tastes and treats each client with unparalleled seriousness and sensuality. No matter what desires a client communicates with her, she doesn't bat an eye and elevates the room gracefully and beyond their expectations.



How does Melanie help her clients?

Melanie makes it her mission to improve each couple's sex rooms and sex life by encouraging communication about their desires and needs. For couple Brodie and Bettie, she brings them to a shibari, or rope-tying, one-on-one educational class. She has them hear from the demonstrators about her reasoning for loving shibari. Betty resonates explicitly with this, which gives Brodie the confidence to learn how to tie the rope in a safe, yet sensual way. On the other hand, for couple Matthew and Orlando, she takes them to a photoshoot session stocked with harnesses and fetish gear to help them get in touch and be comfortable with their bodies. Since they're in a long-distance relationship and mainly send pictures or videos back and forth when one of them can't visit, this was the perfect way to spice up their chosen sex room.



Who are Lester and Soriya?

For most viewers, probably the most surprising couple she helped while on the show was Lester and Soriya. The two ended up opening up to Melanie and explaining that they were polyamorous. Their "poly family," as they call it, consisted of seven different people, not just Lester and Soriya, whom Melanie initially met. Though she had some questions at first, she took this information in stride and ended up consulting with every person in the family about what they enjoy, what color schemes they like, and what they want from their new room; and not all of the responses were about sex.



How does Melanie Rose help the polyamorous couple?

A couple of people said their favorite part of the relationship is the "cuddle puddles," where all of them relax and cuddle each other, and the group movie nights. Taking all of the information and incorporating it into the design, the family ended up with a 9-foot-wide bed that's big enough to hold all of them and still have space, a drop-down projector screen installed into the roof, and plenty of organization and storage space for toys for Lester. He says he's the most organized of everyone and hates that their toys had been rearranged over time or outgrew their storage space. He even joked that their new storage is like "having a mini sex shop in their home" and was delighted that everything now had a place, with extra space for new arrivals, too.



Why do people love How to Build a Sex Room?

Melanie has these couples talk to each other about everything they want in their sex life and then gives them the resources to fulfill that for each other, which is worth more in and of itself than the room design. Melanie deals with couples who fell out of intimacy because they only seemed to want each other while on vacations and getaways, which is a common occurrence, she explains. Rose even helped a single 52-year-old woman who left a divorce and decided to finally find out what good sex is, yet has never tried any sex toys for herself. She treats every client specially and ensures they come out on the other side with not only a new and improved sex room but an improved sex life, with the tools, education, and space to do so.



Couples' communication in How to Build a Sex Room

Though some of the experiences she involves the couples in are likely played up or dramatized for television, she nonetheless delivers a powerful message: that it's not where the intimacy is happening or who it's with; still, it's about the communication that makes the difference. Many people go unsatisfied in their relationships since they don't communicate their sexual fantasies or interests due to fear of judgment. At the same time, Rose stresses that it's okay to be intrigued by something seen as unconventional. Even if you try it with your partner and they end up not enjoying it, it's better to communicate it with them and build that trust instead of not mentioning it to them. 



How do you tell your partner that you want to try something new?

Opening up to your partner in an intimate setting may seem terrifying initially, but if you are honest about your desires and listen to their feedback, it's sure to improve your sex life. Melanie also vouches for the addition of sex toys in the bedroom, as they exist to enhance your sex life, not hinder it. Some people are almost intimidated by the usage of sex toys during the act and often joke that they're the only thing that should give their partner pleasure. However, sex toys are not your competition - adding a simple clitoral vibrator can elevate your or your partner's bedroom rendezvous. 



Is adding sex toys into the bedroom a good idea?

Though, of course, since I work in a sex store and am a huge advocate for sex toys, I can say from experience that using toys during intercourse is better than anything else. Talk with your partner, and if you want to try something new, you don't have to dive head first into it; get comfortable with the concept first, do some research or communicate with your local adult store, and go on from there. Even from a sex toy expert's standpoint, I cannot recommend How to Build a Sex Room enough. Melanie Rose is a delight to watch as she breaks down kinks and tricks to couples and keeps the conversation around sex comfortable and casual. As the "Mary Poppins of sex rooms," she's a surprising but welcome gateway for couples all around the globe to the sex toy industry. I hope everyone who watches the show sees that it's not just the newly renovated rooms that help positively impact their sex life, but that adding sex toys into the bedroom can also.




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