Even the most supportive friends can have misconceptions.
"I don't know how you still have sensitivity," I often hear when discussing my We-Vibe Tango. "Don't vibrators numb you? I mean, a man can't compete with that."
My short answer is, "No, vibrators don't numb you."
My long answer is, "Not necessarily, but technique matters. People's tastes can change over time, and that will happen either way, whether you use vibrators or not."
1) Vibrator intensity isn't a problem; repetition is
Repetition is what can become a problem. A worried state of mind about a vibrator ruining your sexual response is what can become a problem.
It's mostly if you use one toy, in the same setting, in the same way every single time. In that case, your body might get conditioned to respond to those one or two uniform methods, but that depends on how quickly the person gets caught in a rut.
Suppose you have a vibrator that you use on many settings, moving it around your vulva, mixing it in with masturbating the way you did before you had toys. In that case, your body gets conditioned to respond to those vibrations AND what it responded to before.
If you're focused on what feels pleasurable instead of fretting about whether you will orgasm, you're in a more responsive state of mind. What's more,using a vibrator can lead to long-term benefits. The perks include increases in sensitivity because 1.) you get to know your body better, and 2.) you increase blood flow to the area.
2) A vibrator can only cause temporary numbness
Sure, the uniform motion of a vibrator might cause TEMPORARY numbness as your body filters out repetitive sensory information it doesn't need. It's similar to how you're unaware of the sound of your fan or air conditioner after hearing it constantly.
But hardly anyone has their vibrator turned on and attached to them 24/7. You can start low and turn the toy up as you progress in the session. With everyday use, the numbing effect fades a few minutes afterward and is not a problem in the long run.
3) Sexual ruts can happen even without a vibrator
What people think is long-term desensitization due to intense stimulation is more often an issue of getting into a rut and being habituated to one form of stimulation. That could happen when you masturbate to a particular kind of porn and nothing else for a long time.
That could happen if you get complacent with a partner and don't mix things up, doing the same sequence and position every time. That could happen if you grow so close to a partner that you orgasm at their command but feel downright weird the first time you hook up with someone else.
And yes, getting habituated could happen if you use a vibrator, but the same could be said about attachment to repeated stimulation.
4) It's okay if someone can't get off without a vibrator.
If someone wasn't orgasmic without a vibrator but easily orgasmed once they tried one, it's not the vibrator's fault.
It just means the other methods didn't work well for their bodies, and they're just doing what they've discovered does work for them.
Let's imagine you don't fancy pistachio ice cream, but it was the only flavor wherever you went. One day, you find an ice cream parlor serving mango, lemon, and raspberry sorbets, which are surprisingly delicious! It's not like the mango sorbet suddenly made you find pistachio unpalatable.
It might raise your standards for how good ice cream can be, but you had always disliked pistachio, to begin with. You're still excited that you've found something different you like, and that's okay. Not everyone has to love pistachio.
But what about having orgasms with a partner?
Maybe you're on a date, and your partner likes pistachio, but you like mango. You can order:
- One flavor to share this time and the other the next
- A scoop of each in the same bowl and chow down
- Separate bowls
You can take turns having your partner focus on your pleasure or a vibrator on yourself while pleasuring them. Vibrators add variety and only "ruin" penis-in-vagina or penetrative sex if you let them.
And yes, some people like pistachio ice cream AND tart fruit sorbets because they're different. The slight, uniform pressure changes from a vibrator don't make a finger's more significant rubbing motions obsolete. Vibrators aren't inherently more intense, better, or worse than manual stimulation; they're just different.
5) Having a car doesn't ruin walking
In the case of extremely powerful vibrators, it's kind of like having a car, and having a car doesn't ruin walking.
Sometimes you have more time to get to a nearby place, and walking isn't a big deal. Sometimes you drive to the corner store because you're just feeling lazy. Some people have lifestyles where they need to take long commutes, while others can walk everywhere they need to go.
Someone who walks less MIGHT be less physically fit, but there's no inherent reason most people can't drive AND stay in practice with exercise. Cars and vibrators are merely tools.
6) Sex toys don't replace people
Finally, you can also spoon-feed your partner their favorite ice cream flavor. Sure, they CAN enjoy ice cream alone, which is valid. But experiencing something fantastic with someone who makes your heart skip makes it even better.
Ice cream and vibrators are pleasurable things, and cars are helpful but don't replace human company.
The tastiness and convenience of ice cream alone don't mean ice cream dates aren't fun, and having a car doesn't mean you can't enjoy walking with someone.
All of this to say:
Hypotheticals and discussions of cars and ice cream aside, using a vibrator won't ruin your sex life. Some people use vibrators to experiment; others use them due to disabilities or chronic pain, limiting their ability to enjoy self-pleasure or reach orgasm. Others use them to have fun!
There's no shame or medical strife over using a vibrator regularly. If you notice that your favorite go-to toy isn't tipping you over the edge like it used to, try something new! It could simply be that your brain has become familiar with that stimulation, so it's no longer providing you with those mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasms it once did.
Try air pulsation or a rabbit if your go-to toy is a wand! Wands provide deep, rumbly vibes, which is excellent, but can become lackluster over constant use. Rabbits have a more surface-level buzzy vibration, which could be just what you need to get your brain out of its funk - and it even has the plus side of internal g-spot stimulation too! On the other hand, air pulsation toys like the ever-loved Rose toy are designed to simulate oral sex, which is an entirely different sensation from traditional sex toys!
Find what works for you - which may be trial and error - and remember to mix things up. And know that using toys won't ruin sex forever for you - if that were the case, everyone who writes these blogs would be miserable and probably wouldn't attest to any of these toys! (It's sad, but it's true.)
